Female orgasm is not easy and to suggest otherwise trivialises the effort women’s partners make to arouse them. Women respond to please a lover. [i] This does not make them doormats. Women have other emotional and pecuniary needs. But sexual relationships would simply not as they do function if women were as egotistical as it is suggested they should be.
Misconception #9: Contrary to the male experience, it is assumed incorrectly that women can orgasm without the equivalent genital stimulation that men need. This misunderstanding probably arises because women are not sufficiently aroused with a lover for clitoral stimulation to make sense.
Women’s lack of responsiveness (the fact that women are not aroused by sexual activity or a lover’s body) provides women a much greater flexibility in terms of continuing sexual activity for longer than most men can. Orgasm defines the limit of men’s ability to engage in sexual activity. Women’s sexuality is admired because it does not have this limitation.
Ironically, women make better lovers (they are also paid more often) because they themselves are not aroused. With the right incentives, women are able to put effort into providing turn-ons and stimulation for a lover because they are not distracted by the achievement of their own orgasm. A woman can appreciate many aspects of sensual pleasuring because she has no need for genital stimulation or orgasm. Men would like to be able to continue sexual activity for as long as possible because intercourse, including the sensations of penetration and thrusting, is enjoyable in itself.
Orgasm defines the end of sexual activity and is therefore often thought to be the goal of any sexual encounter. But perhaps it only appears to be so. As they age, even men can appreciate savouring sexual opportunities. They see the advantage in delaying orgasm to enjoy their own arousal. In other words: there is more to sex than just orgasm. Unfortunately, men have been sold the fantasy of spontaneous female orgasm so effectively that they now cannot accept that women obtain pleasure from the sensual and emotional aspects of sex that occur without erotic arousal and orgasm.
For those women who are aware of the difference (due to their responsiveness), the disconnect between their orgasmic capability and their enjoyment of lovemaking (once they have understood and accepted it) need not be the problem it first appears. Women engage in sexual activity at different times (either alone or with a lover) to enjoy different kinds of pleasure.
[i] … females who had used fingers or other objects in vaginal penetrations did so … because they wanted to entertain their male partners who found it erotically stimulating to observe this type of masturbatory activity. (Alfred Kinsey)
Excerpt from Women’s Sexual Behaviours & Responses (ISBN 978-0956-894717)