HomeSexuality & techniquesFemale sexualityMen’s sexual knowledge is acquired from pornography

Men’s sexual knowledge is acquired from pornography

Men’s sexual knowledge is acquired from pornography

Today we have no official account of human sexuality. So men’s sexual knowledge of how women enjoy sexual pleasure (how women are assumed to achieve orgasm) comes from pornography or other fictional sources intended to cause arousal. For example, so-called squirting is completely fictional. Women cannot ejaculate. Similarly, the female breast is no more capable of producing an orgasm than the male breast would be.[i]

Some people are wise enough to appreciate that pornography is a fictional world that revolves around providing male turn-ons (fantasies) that assist with male orgasm. But pornography is often blamed for men’s sexual ignorance. There is nothing new about men fantasising about unrealistic feats they hope attractive young women are capable of! These turn-ons have existed in the heads of men of every generation since time immemorial. It is the widespread promotion and ease of access that is fairly recent.

Men never witness a woman masturbating to orgasm. So a woman meets male expectations for female orgasm by emulating porn actresses. We are so used to women keeping men happy or pretending to do what we assume they should be capable of. The idea that women can enjoy their own responsiveness is less intuitive. This aspect of female sexuality focuses on what women do for themselves quite independently of men. It has little to do with sexual activity based on intercourse culminating in male orgasm.

Men’s bravado involves exaggerating the number or variety of their sexual opportunities and lovers. Women’s bravado involves boasting about orgasm. But their modesty and their inability to be explicit clearly indicate that they are referring to emotional sensations rather than erotic responses. Who ever heard of a man who continues to stimulate a partner and engage in sexual activity once he has had his orgasm? Male orgasm defines the end of heterosexual activity because men initiate and drive sexual activity with a lover. We confuse arousal with true orgasm. So pornography depicts women being aroused and constantly re-aroused. Fictional orgasms are portrayed as a state of endless euphoria. This is of course total nonsense!

Orgasm is just one part of the sexual arousal cycle, which varies but is a unique experience. The ideal scenario involves enjoying psychological stimulation (conscious erotic fantasy or subconscious response to eroticism) combined with genital stimulation (of the aroused sex organ: penis or clitoris) that culminates in the release of sexual tension (in the form of an orgasm) followed by a pleasurable aftermath (of orgasm) including waves of post-climax echoes and sensations of relaxation and lassitude.

[i] Since most males are aroused by seeing female breasts, and because most females are, in actuality, only moderately aroused by having their breasts tactilely stimulated, female breasts may be more important sources of erotic stimulation to males than they are to females. (Alfred Kinsey)

Excerpt from Sexuality & Sexual Techniques (ISBN 978-0956-894724)