Despite the complaints, research indicates that married men have more sex [i] than single men do. Men may look for other pleasures when they pay for sex but they are usually happy to settle for intercourse with their wives. So men may fantasise about (apparently available) single women but, ultimately, they return home to have sex with their girlfriends and wives.
Kinsey concluded that men determine intercourse frequencies. Men find this difficult to believe because they feel controlled by female consent. In truth, it is a compromise between male sex drive and a woman’s willingness to indulge her lover. Some men push more than others, especially if they don’t use masturbation. I was constantly aware of my partner’s frustration. My own responsiveness would involve offering perhaps monthly (but for a few consecutive days). But I offer weekly frequencies to avoid my partner becoming moody. This once-a-week pattern becomes a chore.
A married man has ways of getting sex. He suggests that a woman’s lack of sexual interest proves that she does not love him. He complains that his balls ache if he does not ejaculate regularly. Sperm are invisible to the naked eye so even millions of them do not add up to more than a fraction of a man’s ejaculate. The prostate gland (at the base of the penis) contributes most of the fluid in the semen. The discomfort is due to the tiring of the muscles involved in maintaining an erection. There is no lasting harm.
In the past women were indebted to men for their protection and their children’s. Today if a woman expects a man to hang around and put up with all the emotional trauma of a relationship then she has to incentivise him. It seems likely that relationships are more likely to last (survive the hurdles that tend to arise over the longer-term) if they are founded in love (a stronger emotional connection) because of the inherent generosity that is involved when one person loves another (as opposed to a relationship based purely on the enjoyment of physical attributes and sexual activities).
In theory, a woman could easily offer intercourse to any half-decent man. But most women avoid casual sex, not just to avoid pregnancy and disease, but also because of the universal and huge taboo over female promiscuity. Despite male fantasies of arousing women to orgasm through intercourse, they evidently don’t accept that women might have a sex drive as men do.
Men assume they have the right to look elsewhere as if intercourse has no emotional significance for them. But intercourse is vital to a man and he expects a woman to behave as if having sex with him is significant to her.
[i] The mean frequencies of total sexual outlet for the married males are always, at all age levels, higher than the total outlets for single males… (Alfred Kinsey)
Excerpt from Sexuality & Sexual Techniques (ISBN 978-0956-894724)