Romance involves a man demonstrating his interest in a woman as a person. This personalised attention helps a woman interpret a man’s sex drive as being directed towards her as an individual. This is why men still pay for dates that don’t necessarily end in sex. [i] A woman offers physical intimacy to a man as a token of the trust and commitment to the relationship that she hopes for. So she cannot imagine how her lover can contemplate sex, no matter how casual and lacking in meaning, with another woman.
Most men care about sex almost more than life itself. So they are completely baffled when women have to be romanced into bed. Women who experiment with promiscuity do so only for a period of time. They enjoy casual sex for the thrill of the chase and the sexual admiration. A woman who was truly orgasmic with a lover would not feel used by meaningless sex. Masturbation relies on a woman knowing how to stimulate herself to orgasm. But a woman can engage in intercourse without needing to be either aroused or orgasmic. So cooperating with intercourse is achievable by more women and aligns with reproduction. There’s really no contest.
Young women often appear more sexual than their elders. Young women have the advantage of an attractive body, but they also still have a mate to find. So they have more to gain from appearing to be sexually amenable. Unfortunately, once life settles down, the romance and the thrill of the chase inevitably dwindle. This is simply the natural transition from romance to long-term relationship. Many couples never realise the on-going need to invest in their wider relationship as well as in their sex life.
Emotional bonding is achieved not through orgasm but through the intimacy of penetration. But men want intercourse regardless of a relationship. Over the longer term a woman can feel that a man is using her body for sexual gratification if he no longer invests personal effort in her. A woman feels needed when a man’s lovemaking, including his willingness to invest in her interests and concerns outside the bedroom, feels personal to her.
A man’s willingness to keep a woman happy increases exponentially when he is having good sex (loving and intimate sex play) with a woman he loves. Likewise, a woman stands to benefit from the pleasures of a quality sex life including explicit communication over sensual pleasuring. A woman is more likely to be amenable to sexual pleasuring when she has a quality relationship with a man. This is much more of a personal compliment than believing that a woman has sex just for her own orgasm.
[i] Hundreds of males have insisted that intercourse with a prostitute is cheaper than intercourse with any other girl. (Alfred Kinsey)
Excerpt from Women’s Sexual Behaviours & Responses (ISBN 978-0956-894717)